new apartment

Hey friend, 

Yesterday I went and checked out a new apartment here in Buenos Aires.

I’ve had a clear vision of creating an incredible creative space, studio & home. A real solid base, and space for me to create, and go deeper into me. 

It’s incredible, 100+ year old french building, 270m2, 5 massive bedrooms, big open spaces, beautiful wooden flor boards, massive ceilings, huge windows with lots of natural light, fireplace- essentially all that I had envisioned. 

And when I walked out onto the street below after the viewing with the real estate agent, all of this shit inside of me came up. 

All of these fears, uncertainties, doubts, and I when I go into the cab back to mine, I was completely overwhelmed by these unbearably uncomfortable feelings. 

Thoughts like:

• its too big, why do you need a 5 bedroom place

• Its too expensive, put your money somewhere else.

• Its too much commitment, you’ll be tied to it for 2 years

• You’ll have to furnish it, too big of a project

All of this shit. 

And a desire to just to keep doing what I know, to keep living in the way I have been living.

In the past I would have retreated…

See, when we desire to make change in our lives…

A new business, a new project, a new relationship, a new body

It can bring up all the things that need to be released in order to move forward.

It can feel very uncomfortable, because its unfamiliar ground. 

Now, many people take these feelings as guidance, as signs, and ultimately use it as a justification to retreat, and self soothe back into the last known, comfortable, familiar place. 

Back into the old habits, and ways of being- because all that is arising, doesn’t feel great at times. 

Because its the unknown. 

Now I may or may not get the place, but i’m grateful that I was able to see this awareness.

That when we step into the new, no matter how exciting it may have seemed at the original inspiration, we have to confront all the shit that arises.

Learning to navigate this with ease, is true independence & sovereignty- and authentic creation. 

-Jay

Jay Topp is a 24 year old writer, marketer, film maker & self-led educator originally from Australia, now based in Buenos Aires, Argentina. You can see his films here. Instagram here. And his business website here.

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